I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
