i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
