Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
hell yes lets make some ravioli
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
