morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I am one with the molecules
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
