I think my vagina is haunted
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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