I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
