Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
