I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
