he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
