Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
