i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
