My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
