We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
