There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
