Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
