Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
