I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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