do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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