you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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