soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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