nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
