At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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