So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
