Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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