Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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