did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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