Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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