I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
