Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
