One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
