no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
