i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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