Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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