Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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