so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
that is very illegal...i love you.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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