we have officially lost it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
