It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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