I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
