8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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