Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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