I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
