You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Drunk is a universal language darling
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
