Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize