Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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