I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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