direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
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