Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
