My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
