he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
