She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
