brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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