Im at strip club and am horny
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
