Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
