dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
