I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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