It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
