She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
her vagine was all disorganized.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
