Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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