please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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