I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
