Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
