This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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