I skipped work to stalk him.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
smell my finger.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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