Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize