I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
someone owes me an orgasm
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
