would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize