He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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