I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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