just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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