i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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